In Evil Long I Took Delight

Written in the late 1700’s by a self-described “wretch” of a man, I thought I would give you a little background on the story of this particular hymn writer before you read the words of this hymn.  I don’t have any specific attribution for the following story, but I obtained a copy of it from my pastor as part of a recent Sunday School lesson.  I apologize in advance for being a little “long-winded.” 

“His Christian mother died when he was only seven.  He was turned over to unbelieving relatives who scoffed at Scriptures she had taught him.  He could stand it only so many years, and when he was able to make it on his own, he fled from their home.  He lived in the streets of the city.  It was there that he picked up the language and the lifestyle of the streets.  He lied about his age and joined the Navy.  While there, he realized that even though he was an apprentice seaman and loved the sea, he wouldn’t be disciplined.  He deserted and ran as far as he could to the continent of Africa.  He wrote in his diary “…that I might sin my fill.”  He had the reputation of being able to curse for two hours without repeating himself.  Completely distant from God and hateful in attitude, he fell in with a Portuguese slave trader and there he resigned to live under force.  He was treated like an animal and for months would eat off the ground.  The angry and starving man escaped and made his way to the western shores of Africa.  He built a fire on the shore that was seen by a passing ship’s captain.  The captain thought is was a person who wanted to sell ivory so he sent a small boat for him.  The captain was disappointed but allowed him to stay on the ship when he learned he was a skilled navigator.   He became the first mate.  While the captain was ashore one day, the man broke out the ship’s rum, allowing the entire crew to become inebriated.  The captain was so angry that he struck the man and pushed him overboard.  He would have drowned except another drunken sailor speared him with a bait hook and pulled him back to the ship.  The rescue put a scar in his side large enough to place his fist.  He was thrown into the hole of the ship to man the pumps or die.  Off the coast of Scotland, the ship struck a storm and nearly sank.  The man who was manning the pumps, covered in his own vomit, cried out to God.  This desperate man was John Newton.”

For those of you that didn’t recognize the author’s name, John Newton is most famous for writing “Amazing Grace.”  Isn’t it interesting that such powerful words were pinned by a man who was such a great sinner?  It reminded me of Jesus’ words in the parable found in Luke 7.  “There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.  And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.  Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet.  My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.  Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.”

Although I love the words of Amazing Grace (and it is on my “to-do” list for Hymn of the week), I also appreciate the honesty found in this lesser-known hymn written by Mr. Newton, and I think you will too.

In evil long I took delight, Unawed by shame or fear,
Till a new object struck my sight, And stopped my wild career.

I saw One hanging on a tree, In agony and blood,
Who fixed His languid eyes on me, As near His cross I stood.

Sure, never to my latest breath, Can I forget that look;
It seemed to charge me with His death, Though not a word He spoke.

My conscience felt and owned the guilt, And plunged me in despair,
I saw my sins His blood had spilt, And helped to nail Him there.

A second look He gave, which said, “I freely all forgive;
This blood is for thy ransom paid; I die that thou mayst live.”

Thus, while His death my sin displays In all its blackest hue,
Such is the mystery of grace, It seals my pardon too.

Couple of comments on the lyrics:

• “Helped to nail Him there” –  It is one thing to think about Jesus carrying our sins on the Cross.  It is far more “in my business” to think I “helped to nail Him there.”  There is no argument that our willful, sinful actions required Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross.  I think we would all agree with that.  God could not look past our sins.  His holiness requires an atoning sacrifice.  I will admit that because of Adam’s sin, we are all born with a sin nature.  We were born in sin and really had no choice in the matter.  However, since Christ has come and our hearts have been changed, how many times have we sinned willfully and knowingly?  That is a harsh reality for me.  We may not literally have nailed Him to the Cross, but our sins did help nail him there, and that is where it gets “too close to home.”
• “my sin displays in all its blackest hue” – Have you ever used the phrase “little white lie?”  Isn’t it interesting how we try and minimize our sins?  They are “little” and “white.”   We do this in a couple of ways.  By comparing our “little” sins to others “big” sins.  “Well, at least I didn’t kill someone.” or “at least I didn’t rob a bank.”  We also do this by comparing our sins to the sins of others.  “Well, I would never say what he said, or go where he went, or do what he did.”  But as John Newton reminds us here, His death on the Cross is the great illuminator of sin.  Here is the sinless Christ, the spotless Lamb, hanging on the Cross and carrying on the sins of the world.  He is the only one eligible to truly define sin, and “color” it like it is – in all it’s blackest hues.

When I was a kid growing up, we would frequently have “testimony” services at Southern Hills.  It was a time where there was no preaching on Sunday night.  We would sing old hymns, and different members of the congregation would stand and testify.  There was no “script” to the service or “order of worship.”  Just people moved by the Holy Spirit to share what was on their heart.  Most testimonies were stories of God’s provision.  People would share how God provided in a miraculous way in their moment of desperate need.  The ones, however, that seem to be the most powerful for me were the testimonies of God’s grace.  People would talk about where they were when God found them.  Stories about how sin had ruined their lives.  Some people were brutally honest, and sometimes very specific, about how sinful they were before they met Christ.  These particular stories were powerful because they came from the heart.  A heart saddened by the wretched things they had done, but a heart forgiven by God’s saving power. 

I appreciate the honest testimony of John Newton in this hymn.  He called it like it was.  He knew he had lived an “evil” life – a life without shame of what he had done, or fear of God’s judgment.  It is an honest testimony.  I wonder if the church today should return to this old practice of testimony services.  Not as a means to force people to share what wicked things they may have done in their past.  We have enough “tell all” books at the book stores.  But a time where we share with our brothers and sisters how great God’s mercy is for all of us, and a time to testify of an “Amazing Grace that saved a wretch like me.”